Jackin' for beats... Kim Jong Un: Keeping it (Kim Jong) ILL

                                Foto by Basil Creese Jr/Brother B/Brozilla/

Don’t let the laid back nature fool you. Kim Jong Un is a vicious kid on the mic, son. The North Korean rhyme spitter has been a fixture on the FreshlyChoppedBasil decks of death recently, so you know we had to hook up and talk about the new Armageddon project that he's working on. Kim talks about the recording process, what he learned from Kim Jong "The ILL Poppa" Il during the recording of the project and how he feels about the consumer culture of he West.

He’s nice on the mic and he’s hungry to leave an indelible mark on Hip Hop. Take a few minutes to get to know Kim Jong Un and I’m sure you'll become a fan.

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo! Ya know it. Ya got that right. Brother B AKA Brozilla in the hizzouse, and I have the pleasure of speaking to an extraordinary gentleman making headlines and kicking up dust like a crazy tornado around the world right now AS! WE! SPEAK! Kim Jong Un. What’s up, my brother?

Kim Jong Un: Five hunnid, black. What it do, boss? 

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Man, I'm just chillin’.

Kim Jong Un: Likewise, cousin. Likewise.

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Firstly I wanted to say congratulations on winning TIME magazine's 'person of the year'.

Kim Jong Un: Thanks, Man. I appreciate the love, brother. Hitler won it in 1938, so I'm in good company right there. 

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Sho nuff. Sho nuff. I wanted to ask you a couple of questions real quick. I notice that your new project, Impending Armageddon: Apocalypse Soon is gonna be executive produced by your Dad, Kim Jong Il.

Kim Jong Un: Yup. 

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Now, and I suppose this is the main point, he's actually dead, isn't he? 

Kim Jong Un: Hey, Man, it's Easter. 'Tis the season for resurrection, knowwha'msayin'? The Democratic People's Republic of Korea has got bare cutting edge cryogenics. We be reanimating tissue 25-8, baby including the ILL Poppa. 

FreshlyChoppedBasil: A reanimation programme? That's a mad fact you just spat here, bro. Pretty impressive...

Kim Jong Un: Ya better know it! 

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Wow...

Kim Jong Un: Look at your face, man. I'm just messin' witcha. Eh-Heh-Heh-Heh… Ain't no reanimation programme. This ain't Buck Rogers, bro. My Dad lives right here in me, Brozilla. I'm fully reppin' the ILL Poppa.

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Oh, my days! That is a proper wind-up, blood.

Kim Jong Un: That's how it is, ya get me?

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Sweet. So, your Dad's like a spiritual adviser on this album, yeah?

Kim Jong Un: That's right. I just wanna hold it down like the ILL Poppa did for all those years. I feel like he's right there with me when I'm up in the vocal booth spitting on the mic. He gets an executive producer credit because what he's doing for me here and now? It's mad real, blood. People will look at a picture of me and think I'm throwing up a "W". It's not a "W", I'm just reppin' the ILL Poppa. Four fingers up, two twisted in the middle. Keeping it ill. ILL, ya get me? Much love. Much love... 

FreshlyChoppedBasil: That's some genuinely emotionally, touching sh*t right there. Now, you've got a production team, the Military Posse. Tell me about those cats.

Kim Jong Un: Aesthetically, I'm taking it back to Professor Griff and the S-1-Ws from Public Enemy, 'cos the DPPK is truly fighting the power, ya get me? The Americans want to beat us until we see stars and feel the stripes on our backs, but homeboy ain't havin' it. Not today. So we comin' back hard. Bringin' the noise. Bringin' the thunder... And other precipitation. Plus the stuff the Military Posse did back in the day with the ILL Poppa and Chen Pacino is legendary. That's the concrete all us young cats is walking on today. Ya feel me?

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Oh, indeed. I wanted to ask you what their responsibilities are and how you guys mesh together. What exactly do they do? Do they help you select music? Do they help you narrow the tracklist? Talk about that relationship and how that works.

Kim Jong Un: The relationship with me and The Military Posse is like some big bro – little bro type sh*t, ya get me? They just reached out like a cool minute ago, ya feel me? They said they wanted to work with me and I was like, "What? Fa real?" 'cos they were massive in my Dad's day and had a hand in delivering some of his biggest hits. So we started having sessions together, ya feel me?

We didn’t really talk about what they were going to do with the album. But the only thing they said was that they were going to help me pick my songs and kinda manage the whole project. Ya get me? I’m going to do what I do. I could never be my Dad. Them's some big ass shoes, yeah? Eh-Heh-Heh-Heh... I’m just going to be me, and their job is to help me structure it and tell me what ain't working, or what type of songs I need, like big club bangers and all that… That’s the level we on.

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Okay. Now I want to ask you some questions about club bangers so I'll come back to that in a second. You are on the Axis Of Evil record label which has got quite a reputation and oftentimes people romanticise things and imagine it would be great to be on this particular label or work with this artist or that producer... Previously you were a small, independent underground artist putting out little mixtapes, or 'missiles' as we call them. How is it being on a major label like Axis Of Evil? Is it overrated, underrated or is it kind of in between? Talk about a little bit about your experience so far.

Kim Jong Un: It's all about perception. It's just how other people see you, ya get me? My experience being part of the Axis Of Evil… Our bangers, hits and missiles give us the space to do what we do and people either dig it or they don't. I mean, look at what happened to DJ Gaddafi. You need some back up. You can't walk out there alone. I’m on some independent sh*t, just doing me and the rest is all politics. The sh*t is crazy, I know that.

FreshlyChoppedBasil: (laughs)

Kim Jong Un: Stressful, mane. It’ll drive a brother crazy. Drive a brother insane. But it’s like, whatever…I know that once my record starts poppin’ and getting big I know the game will have to come to the table and we'll talk about what needs to happen. The position that I am in right now with the Axis Of Evil is still kinda cool and there's a new playa in the game, Barack. I'm gonna be asking him some tough questions, so I hope he knows what he’s doing.

FreshlyChoppedBasil: We've touched on club bangers and I wanted to ask you about that. Obviously we know the success you had with the Don't Mess With The DPPK song but do you find that the label pressures you to create, not necessarily another Don't Mess With The DPPK, but another song that is going to be that popular? Do you feel that you have to force it? For example, I was listening to the The Time Has Come To Settle Accounts With The U.S. Imperialists In View Of The Prevailing Situation mixtape and the song Droppin' Bombs On Ya is a really good song. It could be huge. But when you think of hits you kind of have to get more accessible. Do you ever struggle with that?

Kim Jong Un: Yeah…I mean if I tried to be a little more accessible then we could go worldwide, but I really don’t feel like I gotta…I just make a song about what I want to talk about off of the real. So the Droppin' Bombs On Ya song is hardcore because I’m from the DPPK and it’s grimy and the song is grimy and as a people we are grimy. Ya feel me? So…I was just doing exactly what I wanted on that mixtape. Making bangers and then putting them out and whatever happens off of the missiles happens. Whatever crosses over is going to crossover.

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Sorry. I've just noticed that the picture of Mickey Mouse on your wall is actually a cross-stitch.

Kim Jong Un: Hell yeah! I love my cross-stitch.

FreshlyChoppedBasil: That's amazing. How did you get into that?

Kim Jong Un: It's crazy, right? That's down to the ILL Poppa. He was big on cross-stitch. Over in the West you guys are all about buying things and "Me, me, me." We like our quiet nights in over here. I never thought I'd get on that particular bus, but I hit a brick wall with my knitting, I was getting bored. I needed more of a challenge so I switched up. I love doing cross-stitch while I'm watching television, just like my Dad used to. Have you seen Bluestone 42? Whoo, Man. Awesome! It's by the team who wrote Miranda, only it's funnier and it's got the added angle of illegal war. Sure, some stupid people will miss the subtlety and won't appreciate the moments of light and shade, but it is what it is… Genius. Hardcore laughs and giggles, ya get me?

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Gotcha. So I know you have the mixtape that came out recently and you are working on the album. So how can people stay in touch with what Kim Jong Un is doing? With shows or just different things that you have going on. So any last words for FreshlyChoppedBasil? Let ‘em know how to stay in touch with Kim Jong Un.

Kim Jong Un: Follow me on Twitter and Instagram, Facebook or YouTube or whatever. Everything is everything. It's all love, ya get me?

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Yeah, sweet. I appreciate you sharing your time, my brother. We gotta hook up again when Armageddon gets closer. 

Kim Jong Un: Good lookin’ for having me, big fella.

FreshlyChoppedBasil: Stay cool. Peace.

Kim Jong Un: I hope so, son. I really hope so...

Bloodshed, Banter and Bluestone 42

Gadzooks and Odds-bodkins! Excuse my rather fruity language, but rather than issuing a screed of "F" and "C" words I thought I'd go back a few centuries and use minced oaths instead. You see, I've been severely provoked, boys and girls. BBC3 has dumped a fair amount of egesta doubling as comedy on our television screens over the years - I'm thinking specifically about the execrable White Van Man, the horrific Two Pints Of Lager… and the tragic Horne and Corden - it would appear that now they're reloading their Haddron Collider-sized slingshot with diseased horse faecal matter.  

Unless you're a sea-dwelling invertebrate you'll be aware that YouGov recently published the results of a poll reflecting the British public's attitude to the Iraq war 10 years on. It revealed that a significant majority felt the war was wrong and half of those polled believe Tony Blair deliberately set out to mislead the British public about the threat posed by alleged weapons of mass destruction. A quarter thought that Mr Blair should be tried as a war criminal, what with the war being just a little bit illegal and everything.

The other war with a slight tinge of illegality is, of course, the ongoing campaign being waged in Afghanistan. There are those far cleverer than me who argue that the invasion of Afghanistan was not legitimate self-defence under article 51 of the UN Charter. Anyway, 12 years later and British, American and Afghan officials admit that the country is unstable and the civilians continue to pay an inordinately high price. 

It is against this backdrop that we are presented with the latest "comedic" offering from BBC3, namely Bluestone 42. The series was written by the chaps who brought us Miranda (who knew that slapstick and buffoonery actually needed writing?), whilst the production team has also helmed the aforementioned Two Pints Of Lager… and Mrs Brown's Boys: hallmarks of the singularly unfunny if ever there were such a thing. The distinguished cast includes actors who have featured in programmes I really like: Oliver Chris (The Office, Green Wing, Nathan Barley), Kelly Adams (Hustle) and Tony Gardner (Lead Balloon, The Thick Of It).

The blurb on the BBC3 website says that the series "is packed with the lively workmate banter and relationship minefields.": an ironic choice of words given that the series follows a British bomb disposal detachment in Afghanistan. Essentially the programme is constructed as a workplace sitcom with the "sit" being an illegal war overseas. All the archetypes are in place for a by-the-numbers half-hour of pleasant entertainment: the try-hard everyman, the attractive, but unattainable object of affection, the detached, entirely task-oriented boss and a motley collection of comfortable stereotypes with familiar ticks and quirks masquerading as additional characters. 

As there is no contextual exposition Afghanistan and Afghans are reduced to mere background noise as we exclusively explore the tedium and futility of war through the eyes of the British Crusader. The only pain is that experienced by our brave soldiers delivering democracy to the unwashed via the end of a bazooka whilst having to endure what they perceive to be substandard catering.

An example of the shockingly callous lack of empathy that permeates this work can be seen early in episode one. There's a running gag which features a CIA operative's tiresomely bragging about his exploits in Fallujah. The place name is pronounced here "FA - LOOOOO - JER" for maximum comic effect. Did the writers not know that this was the site of a US military siege which bombed a city flat, subsequently mired in allegations of massacre, the specific targeting of civilians, the use of chemical weapons and a nuclear fallout from Depleted Uranium munitions worse than that of Hiroshima? I would contend that they knew, but didn't care. After all, the fetishisation of our military means that the benign intentions of the West's foreign policy remain presupposed and there is no suggestion that the unquestioning soldiers are merely serving the strategic, economic and regional interests of the British Government. As David Cameron summed up so eloquently when slapping down the top brass who dared to complain about their workload: "You do the fighting and I’ll do the talking".

The reviews of the show thus far have concentrated on the quality of this gentle comedy and trite observations about ribaldry, squaddie banter and camaraderie in difficult circumstances. None of the critics have questioned whether a programme making light of an illegal war should exist in the first place, but then that's the mainstream media playing to type. Perhaps next BBC3 should do a comedy about school shootings. We could follow the perpetrator as he downloads kiddie porn and shouts at passersby in his local Aldi whilst purchasing condoms. We could empathise with his daily struggles prior to watching him stroll into a primary school and delivering acerbic one-liners to camera before shooting smiling children in the face. He could mow down a new school every week.

There is a poignant irony to be found in the utterances of the British and American governments who claim to be exporting democracy, whilst pointedly ignoring public opinion in their own countries. The real military comedy set in Afghanistan has so far cost the UK taxpayer over £17 billion. Instead of turning out this jaw-droppingly offensive toss, the BBC could have spent our money making a series of programmes about how such a catastrophic waste of lives and resources was allowed to happen, why it is still going on and holding to account those responsible.

In the end, if I can bastardise a quote from Thomas Jefferson, we get the military comedy we deserve, not the one we need. My sense of outrage won't allow me to watch another episode, not without gnawing off my own left kneecap first. I predict that this series will precisely follow the template set by the war in Afghanistan: everyone thinks it's a bad idea from the outset, the endeavour flounders as people realise it's worse than a crime, it's a colossal blunder. It soon becomes apparent that the core resources aren't fit for purpose leading to massive public disaffection and a quiet withdrawal from theatre without having achieved the main objective.

The only criticism thus far has been from the Conservative MP Patrick Mercer, who said: "I wonder if a comedy based in Afghanistan, considering the war is ongoing, is in the best of taste." If a Tory, by definition an entity incapable of any feeling, thinks it's a bit dubious then you can bet it's both vile and loathsome. Only it's worse. It's an affront to the decency the West claims as its own preserve. If war is hell then Bluestone 42 is Satan's heated, unwashed, crusty sphincter. Zounds!

10 Years After...

I'm not too well at the moment - my left foot is now the size of a mid-budget B&Q kitchen with fake mahogany wine rack - and so I have trouble sleeping. Last night I watched the recently restored cut of Heaven's Gate, and the unexpurgated version of John Woo's Red Cliff. My pretentious 7 hour movie marathon was inspired, in part, by my physical affliction, but the main motivation was to catch the early editions of our nation's newspapers and assess how they marked the 10th anniversary of Tony Blair's impassioned House Of Commons speech which greenlit the invasion Iraq. 

You won't be surprised that he isn't mentioned much at all. There's just an awful lot of guff about poor planning and benign intentions, both of which are lies. In order to siphon off resources the country needed to be broken. 

The Independent had a piece on the politics of pubic hair (I tease mine into a defiantly militant afro), whilst The Sun was all about Rio and his fitness programme. The Guardian, has an article on dozens having been killed injured as Sunni extremists targeted Shia civilians in a series of blasts across Baghdad, a violent consequence of the West's plan to divide and rule in this part of the world. 

The Mirror, however, had a retrospective of their war coverage, whilst Richard Sanders in The Maily Telegraph dismantled the myth of shock and awe.

A couple of weeks ago Nick Cohen wrote an article in The Guardian with the headline "Ten years on, the case for invading Iraq is still valid". It wasn't even the mindlessly callous headline which raised my hackles. It was the smug, self-satisfied expression of Nick Cohen in his postage stamp sized photograph accompanying the piece: his body oddly twisted toward the camera as if he has been caught mid-defecation. He suggests that ridding the world of the very evil Saddam Hussein was worth the bloodshed and infers that those who oppose the invasion are apologists for totalitarianism and terrorism. 

However, his selective cherry picking of historic events and their frames of reference means he doesn't address the fact that Saddam, like most of the despots across the middle east, was installed and supported by the CIA and MI6: his murderous offensives against the Kurds were supported by British and American governments, who also supplied the chemical and biological weapons.

Nick Cohen makes no mention of the 1.2 million dead. What do they matter, right? Presumably any display of empathy comes as the exclusive result of being a closeted Islamofascist.

"…spilling blood and spending treasure in other people's conflicts," was begun as a concerted effort to stabilise global energy resources by taking them out of the hands of an individual who used to be "our bastard" in the middle east.

So we've established that Mr Cohen is a dead-hearted vampire, but what did the papers have to say 10 years ago?

In January of 2003 Iraq's envoy to the UN protested that his country had no weapons of mass destruction.

"We remain ready to actively cooperate, as we have done in the past, to respond to any doubts," Mr Douri added. "We open all doors to Mr Blix and his team. If there is something, he will find it. We have no hidden reports. Iraq is clear of weapons of mass destruction."

In Baghdad, Iraq's foreign minister, Naji Sabri called the Bush administration "warmongers".

"This evil administration and its ally, Mr Blair in Britain, have continued in their threats and aggression against Iraq," he said. "Their aim is not the weapons of mass destruction. These two governments know very well there are no weapons of mass destruction or related activities in Iraq. By controlling this region, they are dreaming of dominating the whole world."

But Our Tone had already made up his mind, cheered on by the mainstream media and Rupert Murdoch who Rupert Murdoch gave the proposed war his full backing to war, saying George Bush was acting "morally" and "correctly" and describing Tony Blair as "full of guts" for going out on a limb in his support for an attack on Iraq;

Daily Mirror Editorial, March 19, 2003
"Even though the Mirror disagrees strongly with Tony Blair over his determination to wage war on Iraq, we do not question his belief in the rightness of what he is doing. It is one thing to have principles others disagree with, another altogether to have no principles.

The Times, March 19, 2003
"This was a dogged attempt to change the minds of dissenting backbenchers, an attempt made against the headwind of the popular mood. It was a speech to admire for its willpower and its moral conviction rather than the elegance of its prose…"

Daily Telegraph Editorial, March 19, 2003
"In the Commons, as in every debating chamber, the side that wins the argument all too often loses the vote ... But any fair-minded person who listened to [Tuesday's] debate, having been genuinely unable to make up his mind about military action against Saddam Hussein, must surely have concluded that Mr Blair was right, and his opponents were wrong.

Independent Editorial, March 19, 2003
"[Tuesday's speech] was the most persuasive case yet made by the man who has emerged as the most formidable persuader for war on either side of the Atlantic.

"The case against President Saddam's 12-year history of obstructing the UN attempts at disarmament has never been better made ... Mr Blair made a coherent case ... that while disarmament and not regime change is the legal basis for the war, the prospect of the latter makes it possible to pursue the former with a 'clear conscience and a strong heart' 

The Sun Editorial, March 19, 2003
"With passion in his voice and fire in his belly, Tony Blair won his place in history alongside Winston Churchill and Margaret Thatcher. In the most momentous speech of his political life he set out the pressing reasons why there must now be war on President Saddam.

"The ringing tones were from Churchill, the cold logic that of Lady Thatcher ... It was a stirring call to arms that was backed with precise, detailed and persuasive arguments ... [that] kept a possible Labour revolt in check [and] will have convinced the nation that war is just ...

It may well be that I'm a little tetchy at the moment, but it truly angers me that no-one has been taken to task for the destruction of a country and the theft of its resources. No-one. Indeed Tony Blair has been rewarded for his actions by being made Middle East Peace Envoy (!) and Dick Cheney’s Halliburton stock value doubled over the eight years he was Vice President, from approximately $5 million to over $10 million. Which means is about $5 per Iraqi death. Who says they didn't value the lives of the Iraqi citizens? The whole episode beautifully reveals both the West's foreign policy and the workings of our mainstream media: if you have resources they belong to us and our journalists will amplify the prevailing orthodoxy.

10 years on and what has been learned? 

1. The Irish are a righteous people, more engaged social commentators, and hold public officials to a higher standard than our own "free" press. They hurled shoes and eggs at Tony Blair at the first public signing for his memoirs in Dublin back in 2010. They also shouted: "Hey, hey Tony, hey! How many kids have you killed today?" Our Tone had to cancel the rest of his book-signing tour.

2. International courts work at the behest of Western Powers, thus the best way to get away with horrific crimes against humanity is to be a western politician.

3. The wealthy still send the sons and daughters of the poor to steal the wealth of people in foreign lands and then we make a limp half-hour BBC3 comedy about it. Written by the team who wrote Miranda. FACT.*

*See next blog