Michael Bay vs Rupert Murdoch: Clash Of The Twats

I can't believe almost every blog includes my visiting the cinema, but, in the words of West Coast Ghetto Heisman, Dub C, "Uh oh! Here we go again!"

I went to see Transformers: Dark Of The Moon. I've now seen all three movies in the franchise, returning like an inquisitive index finger to a ripening scab. That's over seven hours (!) of no discernible plot, explosions, slow motion sequences, more explosions, gratuitous ass shots, ever more explosions and cringe inducing dialogue permanently set to "CONSTANT SHOUTING!". All of which should make for the perfect popcorn experience, shouldn't it? Shouldn't it?!? However, in the hands of Mr Bay you feel like the poor stunt driver who was injured during its production: permanently brain damaged with one eye stitched shut.

Mr Bay describes his style of filmmaking as "Fucking the frame". I spent the whole movie thinking "Damn! Can I at least get a blow job, or an enthusiastic tongue between my oiled buttocks to get me excited first?" But no. No foreplay. It's all about the penetration with Michael. A sinister penetration which recalls Robert De Niro as Max Cady in Cape Fear. Bay is laughing at us as he rips at our flesh with his teeth. How else to explain the execrable Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in her film debut? Her bee-stung lips are more animated than she is and, undoubtedly, pre-assembled flat pack furniture in Swedish pine would have proved far less wooden. She manages to make Megan Fox appear as accomplished as Dame Judi Dench. Bay doesn't care though. He's essentially saying "My movies are just about blowing stuff up. I don't even need actors. Look!" That's how little he thinks of us as the audience.

Fans of the movies (I know! Incredible. How they stay upright is beyond me) claim that Transformers: Dark Of The Moon is better than Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, which is like me saying that my tonsillectomy was a better experience than having my wisdom teeth out.

The most annoying thing though isn't the interminable asinine juvenility, it's the caption: "Middle East: Illegal Nuclear Site", which appears just before Bumblebee and the rest of his Autobot homeboys start kicking a little raghead ass.

What the - What?!? Is Michael Bay doing politics?!?

I felt so dirty I left the cinema vowing to wipe myself down with the last ever edition of the News Of The World. I'm kidding. I've never bought that filthy little rag, its sister paper The Sun or subscribed to Sky, so my conscience is entirely clear. Well, at least when it comes to the funding of Murdoch's empire. I remember being in the studio recording a track with guitar legend Jim Davies (he of The Prodigy fame) who arrived one morning a tad upset that he'd received a volley of abuse from a newsagent for purchasing the latter publication. David Goldring, who was laying down beats, explained the revulsion in Liverpool for the paper. It dates back to the 1989 Hillsborough disaster and the headline:

“The Truth.

Some fans picked pockets of victims

Some fans urinated on the brave cops

Some fans beat up PC giving kiss of life.”

A policeman was quoted in the article claiming that Liverpool fans "were openly urinating on us and the bodies of the dead.” David summarised succinctly, "So we were picking the pockets of our own dead friends and families and pissing on their corpses, yeah?" The Sun have yet to apologise. Kelvin McKenzie even stated recently that he was happy to stand behind the veracity of the story.

The Milly Dowler revelations came as no surprise to those who have nothing but utter contempt for Mr Murdoch, his twisted world view and his hijacking of a party which was supposed to represent all of us who have to go to work tomorrow. The leader of the Labour Party can't even support workers voting to strike for fear of how it would play in the press. The only thing separating us from my bound and shackled forebears is our right to withdraw our labour.

When Our Tone became Labour leader in 1994 he flew across the globe to pay homage to Big Rupe, assuring him he'd play by his rules. It's been revealed that he spoke to Rupe on three occasions in the days leading up to the Iraq invasion on March 11th, 13th and the 19th, which was the day before the invasion itself. Rupert said at the time, "I think Tony is being extraordinarily courageous and strong... It's not easy to do that living in a party which is largely composed of people who have a knee-jerk anti-Americanism and are sort of pacifist. But he's shown great guts…"

Yep. "Great guts" to go to war on a stack of lies and rape a country of its resources. And he's so brazen he had no fear in referring to that three letter word our governments are far too scared to whisper. "The greatest thing to come out of this for the world economy...would be $20 a barrel for oil. That's bigger than any tax cut in any country." So it's not like it's a bad thing.

The same fella recently ran a story saying that DJ Gadaffi issued his troops with Viagra, the easier to commit mass rape. The motivation for this lie being the same three letter word. The same fella who claims to support our brave boys overseas runs an organisation which hacks the 'phones of dead soldiers' families.

I'm looking forward to him scapegoating his sacked journalists as workshy benefit scroungers. The question now is whether or not people are disgusted enough by these recent revelations to make Rupert's gleaming edifice of shit crumble to dust. I doubt it though. Boys like Page 3 don't they, eh? They like their boobs, don't they, eh? And it's just a bit of fun, innit? Phwoar, eh?

PPPPPPHHHHHHHWOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Which, I believe, was pretty much the first draft of the script for Transformers: Dark Of The Moon.

Johann Hari's Divinterview

I've never liked Johann Hari. I saw him once on a BBC current affairs programme shouting at George Galloway because he thought the Iraq invasion was morally necessary. His pudgy child's face was all red and puffy as he jabbed a finger towards Gorgeous George who had a smirk on his face. 8 years later and despite being absolutely right in EVERYTHING he said George inspires little but ire and consternation (an acquaintance recently described him as "an arsehole spouting shit", whilst another shared a joke about shooting him. It's fair enough. Once you put your head above the parapet you're fair game for anything really), whilst Mr Hari is now the darling of the "Left".

Unfortunately, Mr Hari has been caught plagiarising other journalist's articles and existing quotes from his interviewees to flesh out his articles. Hardly the appropriate actions of an award winning journalist. Anyway, below is his recent interview with Jesus Christ which should restore his reputation.

Jesus Christ. Rebel. Freedom Fighter. Icon. That he chose me to be the first interviewer since his recent resurrection is, undoubtedly, a burden, but one my coolly cynical shoulders are more than happy to bear.

The first thing I notice is that the door to Jesus' abode doesn't seem to exist. It's merely a collection of abstractions and concepts rather than anything solid one would find in aisle seven at, say, B&Q or Wickes: the weekend altars of worship de nos jours. I asked him about this as we finally sat opposite each other. He folded his arms and regarded me slightly askance. "You see, Johann," he began, all charm and easy, if vague, erudition, “ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” His eyes are vast with benevolence as a laugh barks from his throat, the light dancing on his burnished skin.

But what relevance the House of God as the struggle between the 'Haves' and the 'Have nots' rages? "My position hasn't changed, Joey, but not due to intransigence," he clarifies. He's more relaxed now as he warms to my softly softly questioning. "Years of detached observation, derived from my fundamental divinity, have led me to this simple truth." He pauses, leans in conpiratorially and says softly: enunciating in a breathless whisper, "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

As I look about the room - a testament to distinguished Oak and Mahogony bathed in an avuncular incandescence - I'm reminded of appearing on BBC's 'The Sharp End' with George Galloway in 2003. I was wrong about the Iraq War. So very wrong. Vociferously so. David Aaronovitch and I - ekeing out a very comfortable living in a resolutely mediocre UK media with no fear of reprisal - will have to live with that for the rest of our lives, but instead of giving me the slap about the ears I plainly deserved for spouting Blair's propaganda George merely smiled at me. An expression imbued with such sympathy and pity I interpreted it as mockery. JC - as he insists I call him - is grinning at me in exactly the same way now. He knows something. Or at least he thinks he does.

Gabriel, his PA, appears from nowhere like a Mr Benn shopkeeper and whispers something in his ear. JC nods slowly and fixes me with an ambivalent gaze. Our time is up. "Everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted," he pronounces as he rises to show me to the door. "All I ask, Joey, is that when you write this up it is not just an essayistic representation of what I think; but a report on an encounter between the interviewer and the interviewee. Will you do that for me?" He sounds a little like Claire Rayner.

"Whatever you say, Lord," I reply.

I walk down the short road to the tube and everything is the same; shiny shopfronts on either side of the street; people chained to their ipods, their eyes cast groundwards. But I am different.

Basil Creese Jr: Superhero

Back in the mists of time, when my sister, my brother and I would go to see Hollywood movies together, we'd bet on when they would kill off the token black character and how gruesome his death would be. I remember there was one movie which saw a black man die quite horrifically within ten minutes of the opening credits which made us all erupt with laughter and cheers and left the rest of the audience with the impression that we were perhaps serial killers taking a break from slaughtering innocents.

The acclaimed director Alex Cox (Repo Man, Sid and Nancy) calls it The Disposable Black Man principle and he cites a friend who worked at a major studio in Burbank, California who would play exactly the same game with her friends. Mr Cox had a programme that he used to host on BBC2 called Moviedrome and he discussed the treatment of the black characters and their gratuitously violent deaths in his introduction to Darkman, quoting Unforgiven and David Lynch's Wild At Heart as further examples. You can watch the last scene in question here.

Up until that point I'd thought we were crazy and that this was something only we had noticed. It's been a while since we Creese Children occupied 3 cinema seats together (the last film we saw as a trio was The Bourne Supremacy, which I retitled The White Supremacy, because there are no black people in that motherfucker! I didn't bother with The Lord Of The Rings trilogy for the same reason), but it's a game I still play on my own.

I went to see X Men: First Class a couple of days ago. It claims to be a metaphor for tolerance (Malcolm X and Martin Luther King are the inspiration for Magneto and Professor X respectively). I was interested in whether, firstly, there was a black superhero, and secondly, how long he would last. The answer was 1. Yes, and 2. About seven minutes. And, as usual, he was eviscerated in the most horrible way. Ah, it took me back. Good times... Good times...

I didn't bother watching this year's Oscars ceremony as my corner shop had run out of Pussy juice (see blogs passim) and there was not a single black nominee in any of the categories. Not... One... Why is ever increasing societal diversity not being reflected in the film industry? Presumably ignorant twats like Morrissey (yeah, I said it. What? And fuck The Smiths!) and David "Multiculturalism has failed" Cameron who yearn for an age where the outside world had the good manners to stop at the white cliffs of Dover will have been feverishly tugging at their tumescence as they saw the list of nominees.

Cambridge graduate Thandie Newton's recent experience gives the lie to the notions that either the black talent doesn't exist or that it's just about the bottom line of dollars and cents. There is an agenda;

"There was one time I went for a meeting for this big movie and I was up for a character who wasn't written as black. The character was a college graduate and the studio head, a woman, said, 'How can we make this role more black if we are going to have you in the film?' And I said, 'Well, I think as it's written it's fine...' And she said, 'Yeah, I know, but she is a graduate, she has been to university.' So I said, 'I've been to university.' And then it was, 'Yeah, but you're different.'"

Thandie turned down the role. Kenneth Branagh's Thor features the peerless Idris Elba as Heimdall and whilst, as a The Wire devotee, it was fantastic to see him in such a high profile role, all through the movie I was waiting for his violent demise. But even his taking the role in the first place caused ire amongst the racial purists. I visit the white supremacist website stormfront.org pretty regularly (the better to know one's enemy), and it's fair to say they were outraged at his casting.

"This IS an attack on a White culture! If anyone attempted to muscle in on e.g. Red Indian or Tibetan culture, the ethnics would be able to legally challenge them! This IS no different! The only role this black should be playing is that of a primitive of some sort! And he should be playing that within his own culture, in Africa!"

Big Idris recently gave his thoughts on the under-representation of black people in Hollywood cinema. Elba said:

"Imagine a film such as Inception with an entire cast of black people – do you think it would be successful?" Elba asks. "Would people watch it? But no one questions the fact that everyone's white. That's what we have to change."

Yes, we do. I've started writing a screenplay which features Basil Creese Jr as a conflicted superhero: should he save a world for which he has nothing but contempt? I haven't decided if I make it to the end of the movie yet, but I definitely want Zac Efron to play me.

I blame the parents

My Father spent the last few months of his life sitting on, and lying in, not wholly uncomfortable hospital beds waiting to see heart consultants who would stroke their chins and "Hmmmm..." a lot as they studied his file. We would fill the spaces between these disappointments with political discourse. Tragic, n'est ce pas? But I guess that's how we were able to connect. Indeed that's how we would always connect. I remember watching Saturday morning television and rooting for the Goody Cowboys against the Baddy Indians until one day he asked me: "What makes you think that the Cowboys are the Good Guys?" And that kind of changed my perspective forever. Basil Creese Senior and I would chat about politics a lot. I would read LOADS around a subject and then casually bring it up in conversation so I could dazzle him with my erudition. He, of course, would still be far better informed than me and with a perspective which would be genuinely disarming.

The last book I took to him whilst he was in Wythenshawe Hospital was Pirates and Emperors by Noam Chomsky. The central premise of this work is a story related by St. Augustine of a pirate captured by Alexander the Great, who asked him “How dare you molest the sea?” “How dare you molest the whole world?” the pirate replied. “Because I do it with a little ship only, I am called a thief; you, doing it with a great navy, are called an Emperor.” St. Augustine thought the pirate's answer was "elegant and excellent" and 1581 years after his death it still resonates as we consider the notion of "terrorism": a word whose original definition was to describe the acts of violence perpetrated by government to ensure the submission of the populace.

Basil pére read the book and was "amazed" at its power and wondered how come, if this book was in circulation and freely available, people weren't rioting in the streets. I was so pleased he had enjoyed it. I couldn't have been more elated if I'd written it myself. As I sat there feeling smug, he asked me, "Have you heard of Diego Garcia?"

"Was he on the subs bench for Brazil in the last World Cup?" I asked.

"No," he sighed wearily, and put his head back on the pillow. "If you want to know what the world is like, just look at Diego Garcia."

"Diego Garcia?"

I got a bit distracted and didn't look to research it straight away. My Father's Father, Hazel, had died whilst he (Basil Sr) and a friend were at the cinema watching Gone With The Wind, so I spent the next few days tempting fate by going to see lots of rubbish movies between visiting hours, and if Pater was ok when I got back to hospital then that meant everything was going to be all right.*

After his funeral, at which I delivered a joyful eulogy, Diego Garcia swam back into my field of vision and I decided to find out what the Big Fella was talking about.

The great John Pilger described it thus;

"There are times when one tragedy, one crime tells us how a whole system works behind its democratic facade and helps us to understand how much of the world is run for the benefit of the powerful and how governments lie. To understand the catastrophe of Iraq, and all the other Iraqs along imperial history's trail of blood and tears, one need look no further than Diego Garcia."

Diego Garcia was a British colony inhabited by the descendants of slaves who had been there for 200 years. In the 1960s the British Government leased the island to the US Military so that they could install a base which would act as a staging post for their Middle East interventions. The islanders (casually dismissed as mere "Man Fridays" and "Tarzans" by the Foreign Office) were expelled and repatriated to Mauritius, whilst successive governments perpetrated the fiction that the island had never been inhabited and that the islanders were only ever "migrant workers" meaning their rights would not come under the jurisdiction of the UN.

I mention all of this because more than 150 exiled Chagossians gathered in London about three weeks ago to call for a return to their Indian Ocean archipelago home. Sure enough a rebuttal came in the form of a piece written in the Guardian by a Pew Trust (a group who strive to "

acquaint the American people with the evils of bureaucracy and the values of a free market")

representative who asserted;

"We believe the Chagos Islands and their surrounding waters should be protected for the resources and values they have today."

And that;

"The designation of the Chagos archipelago as the world's largest fully protected marine reserve is a bright spot we should all celebrate."

So far, so ho hum. These poor chaps can't return because of the their effect on the fragile ecosystem. Notwithstanding that B52's and Stealth Bombers roar in and out of the place on an hourly basis. Nor the fact that the recent Wikileaks controversy highlighted this as a mere strategy of obfuscation;

Friday, 15 May 2009, 07:00

C O N F I D E N T I A L LONDON 001156

NOFORN

SIPDIS

EO 12958 DECL: 05/13/2029

TAGS MARR, MOPS, SENV, UK, IO">IO">IO, MP, EFIS, EWWT, PGOV, PREL

SUBJECT: HMG FLOATS PROPOSAL FOR MARINE RESERVE COVERING

THE CHAGOS ARCHIPELAGO (BRITISH INDIAN OCEAN TERRITORY)

REF: 08 LONDON 2667 (NOTAL)

Classified By: Political Counselor Richard Mills for reasons 1.4 b and d

Summary

More than 2,000 islanders were evicted during the Cold War to make way for a huge US military base. The islanders have fought a long battle to be allowed to return. British Foreign Office and American officials discuss plans to establish a marine park on Diego Garcia and the surrounding islands, which they say would effectively end the islanders resettlement claims.

Read related article

1. (C/NF) Summary. HMG would like to establish a "marine park" or "reserve" providing comprehensive environmental protection to the reefs and waters of the British Indian Ocean Territory (BIOT), a senior Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) official informed Polcouns on May 12. The official insisted that the establishment of a marine park -- the world's largest -- would in no way impinge on USG use of the BIOT, including Diego Garcia, for military purposes. He agreed that the UK and U.S. should carefully negotiate the details of the marine reserve to assure that U.S. interests were safeguarded and the strategic value of BIOT was upheld. He said that the BIOT's former inhabitants would find it difficult, if not impossible, to pursue their claim for resettlement on the islands if the entire Chagos Archipelago were a marine reserve. End Summary.

Diego Garcia is a tragedy which has been exacerbated by British governments of all hues. Luckily for us and our insistence on the right NOT to know. Anything. The coverage of this affair remains

virtually non existent in western mainstream media. Servitude to power regularly wears the cloak of silence and the fight of the Chagossians is a very good example of this.

Back in 1982, just before the Argentinians claimed the Falkland Islands, Mrs Thatcher's government made the first conciliatory move for 17 years; the Chagossians received approximately half of what they were due in compensation to allow them to rehouse in Mauritius. The British public were made aware of the Falkland Islands and the people who inhabited them whilst at the same time the Chagosians remained resolutely "unpeople". Anonymous and abandoned.

If you knew nothing about Diego Garcia, don't sweat it. Blame your parents.

* When the end came my brother was in the cinema watching Hellboy.

Bamboozled

Everything is connected. It's not a profound or abstract thought. It is a simple truth.

At the beginning of the month - before my left eye began feeling as if I was sliding it down onto the point of an upturned knife. Slowly - I went to see "Sucker Punch", a movie in which the sumptuous visuals are deliberately designed to obviate the need for anything but a cursory characterisation or narrative. Being an aesthete it certainly worked for me. Any movie which shamelessly lifts shots from the peerless "Casshern" will always earn bonus points.

Anyway, midway through the vignette where four hotties with submachine guns, samurai swords and tight booty shorts are laying waste to Steam-Powered Zombie Nazis in WWI trenches the Yoda-like Scott Glen, in heavy eye-liner, tosses off the following Malcolm X quote:

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."

Once I got home I watched Spike Lee's "Bamboozled" which, in its turn, was inspired by another Malcolm X quote.*

In an oddly powerful film with a very odd look - generated by its being shot on Mini DV digital cameras - the highlights, before the heartbreaking closing montage revealing hollywood's ceaseless celebration of coonery, are provided by the ongoing endeavours of the militant hip hop posse Mau Maus featuring Mos Def, Canibus and Charli Baltimore. I bumped their angry track "Blak Iz Blak" steadily on repeat for three days straight.

A couple of weeks later four elderly individuals are standing outside the High Court, one holding a placard which reads: “Pay up for the British Gulag in Kenya.” As members of the Mau Mau (an acronym derived from Swahili: "Mzungu Aende Ulaya, Mwafrika Apate Uhuru" meaning "Let the European go back to Europe, Let the African regain Independence.") uprising they suffered systematic abuse at the hands of the invading British who stole their land and gave it to white settlers. The Kenya Human Rights Commission has said 90,000 Kenyans were executed, tortured or maimed and 160,000 were detained in concentration camps in horrific conditions. They want the UK government to accept responsibility for the crimes committed in these British administered camps. The culture of inhuman cruelty amongst the colonial authorities in Kenya is best summarised by the testimony of British officers. Just two:

"Things got a little out of hand. By the time we cut his balls off he had no ears, and his eyeball, the right one, I think, was hanging out of its socket. Too bad, he died before we got much out of him."

and

"They wouldn’t say a thing, of course, and one of them, a tall coal-black bastard, kept grinning at me, real insolent. I slapped him hard, but he kept right on grinning at me, so I kicked him in the balls as hard as I could. He went down in a heap but when he finally got up on his feet he grinned at me again and I snapped, I really did. I stuck my revolver right in his grinning mouth and I said something, I don’t remember what, and I pulled the trigger.

His brains went all over the side of the police station. The other two Mickeys were standing there looking blank. I said to them that if they didn’t tell me where to find the rest of the gang I’d kill them too. They didn’t say a word so I shot them both. One wasn’t dead so I shot him in the ear. When the sub-inspector drove up, I told him that the Mickeys tried to escape. He didn’t believe me but all he said was ‘bury them and see the wall is cleared up."

A couple of weeks ago David Cameron told Pakistani students that "Britain was responsible for many of the world's problems ... in the first place." He was talking about Kashmir a product of Britain's partition of India in 1947. Also available in this series: the Israel-Palestine conflict and the carve-up of the Middle East and Africa. Naturally, his comments were greeted with bemused indignation by the usual suspects in the right wing press who essentially echoed Gordon Brown's (remember him?) statement that "the days of Britain having to apologise for its colonial history are over."

The expressions of support for Gordon's position were predictable. Essentially the argument boils down to this: "Might is Right," and the British Empire was a benign force bringing the backwards, half-witted people overseas the benefits of civilisation. The brutal appropriation of other people's land and resources, and their persistent humiliation at the hands of a racist system of governance are rendered moral actions because of the introduction of an infrastructure.

Imagine you were so taken with my muscular buttocks in tight gold lamé hot pants that you decided to build an ornate ebony tower so you could imprison and rape me on a daily basis, it would be preposterous to claim the beauty of the tower compensated the horror of your crime. So when acquaintances talk about their mates' experiences travelling for a year in Australia and what a great time they've had on Bondi beach I tend to wince, because the genocide committed against Aborigines so that they can put on sunblock and perv at boys and girls in speedos and bikinis is never mentioned. Chandrasonic from Asian Dub Foundation notes:

"I’m sure the happy-go-lucky, ‘matey’ Australian self-image is a psychological construct that makes these crimes more palatable in popular culture.”

It also speaks volumes to the success the elite have had in skewing our reality that their eminence is seen as a natural extension of the status quo, and their selfish plunder is somehow viewed as a benevolent dissemination of civilised values. And despite its multi-ethnic empire, Britain could never bring itself to embrace ethnic diversity at home. Brian True-May's (is his best friend Freddie True-Mercury?) recent comments re "Midsomer Murders" aren't a shock to anyone who has managed to retain any critical faculties. Neither is today's report by Clearcast, which finds that TV advertising is "drastically under-representing" ethnic minority groups as we appear in only 5% of the 35,000 TV ads screened in the UK last year. David Cameron's recent "multiculturalism has failed speech," is just more of the same old same old.

And now ground troops are entering Libya bearing the tattered flag of "humanitarian intervention." Again. Our government couldn't give a flying fuck about the suffering in Libya. Or Iraq. These countries have something in common: vast oil and mineral reserves. When it came to light that the US Government had bought the false testimonies against Megrahi for $4 million per witness to cover up the CIA's involvement in the Lockerbie bombing, DJ Gaddafi wondered aloud why he should have had to pay $2.7 billion in compensation and threatened to extract his refund from the overseas oil companies on his soil. They went whining to their governments and hey presto! Another war we can pay for whilst libraries are being closed.

The tacit compliance of Middle Eastern Princes is bought (The Manchester City owners recently paid for more troops to suppress the protests in Bahrain) while the corporate vampires feast on their people. Libya has a population of about 6 million people each one of whom should be a millionaire many times over. Instead they're impoverished - the domestic economy drained of its wealth.

Tonight I'm watching "Blade."

* "Oh, I say and I say it again. Ya been had! Ya been took! Ya been hoodwinked! Bamboozled! Led astray! Run amok! This is what He does..."

In The Spotlight: Basil Creese Jr

I was asked to complete one of those interview things recently and figured I'd share my unexpurgated answers...

What motivates you? I’m definitely an “away from” kind of chap, so, typically, it’s a fear of failure. However, this is a fear driven by my ceaseless insecurity, my limb-gnawing neediness and, what my mother describes bluntly as, my “monstrous narcissism”.

What de-motivates you? A badly lit mirror.

What do you get up to in your spare time? Mine and my brother's band Damaged Gods. Unlike much rap based music, which is entirely concerned with cars, money, guns, drugs, trainers and girls' bottoms, there is a political hue to our vivid beatscape which renders our art both visceral and cerebral. I also write. Amongst my published articles I'm most proud of contributing a cover story to “The Tribune” magazine - a publication which George Orwell used to write for.

What job did you want to do when you were at school? “Truth-Campaigning Journalist.” Time’s arrow and the inexorable onset of cynicism dashed my dreams on the unforgiving rocks of harsh reality and led me to conclude that the two terms are mutually exclusive.

Where is your favourite place in the world and why? Onstage, performing. One cannot create art in a vacuum and my compulsion to seek love, adoration and validation from complete strangers - whilst having them attest vociferously and enthusiastically that I’m LITERALLY covered in awesome - is overwhelming.

Which famous person (living or deceased) would you most like to meet, and why? Noam Chomsky. He’s a philosopher, a linguist, a political activist and revered essayist. I’d ask what inspired him to apply linguistic techniques and constructs to an advocacy for social and political change, and whether my looks prevent me being taken seriously.

What makes you laugh out loud? It’s a tie between Britain’s “ethical” foreign policy and America attempting a practical application of the innocuous sounding “Hegemony Stability Theory.” They’re a bit like Steve Coogan and Rob Brydon in “The Trip,” only more surreal and with a little more bloodshed.

Your one piece of advice for future generations: A thing done with moderation may later be judged to be insufficient, yeah? Sweet!

If you were an animal, what would you be? A Liger. It’s a cross between an overly promiscuous Lion, and a Tigress. On their hind legs they’re as tall as a double-decker bus! In this guise I’d be able to cut my queueing time in Boots - for my Astral All Over Moisturiser - in half! Possibly... It’s too close to call... Manchester's pretty hardcore.

Best book you would recommend “Zabiba and The King” by Saddam Hussein. A “Mills and Boon” style love story as penned by a murderous despot. Genius! It proved so popular it was turned into a musical. I mean, he didn’t even feel the need to devise a nom de plume like, say, “Mildred Bagshaw.” And why would he? After all, nothing says “romance” like “Saddam Hussein.” Also available in this series: “Quick and Easy meals for working Mums,” by Idi Amin.

Favourite Film you would recommend: “Brotherhood Of The Wolf.” Imagine “Dangerous Liaisons” meets “The Matrix” meets “Jaws” with an underlying poignant social commentary set against the backdrop of the French Revolution. Amazing. Either that or “Brozilla: He Is Legend!” - the film that’s playing in my head ALL the time, boasting a cast of one, outrageous CGI, gratuitous nudity and a throbbing, sensual self-written soundtrack.

Barcode Crucifix

I got a call from an excited Matt at Playschool Noize today to advise that 'Barcode Crucifix' by Damaged Gods out on 4/4/2011 is officially available for pre-order from amazon, play.com and hmv.

Slide back a month and I'm watching the Brits hosted by James Corden. Eliza Doolittle, during the first half of an ad break sponsored by Mastercard, proffers her stinky, powder blue trainers to the camera and mews in a voice she obviously imagines to be endearing (but which actually induces me to try and chew at my left elbow), that these are indeed her favourite trainers. If ever there was an indication of the crass commodification of music then here it is: wrapped in a self congratulatory clusterfuck celebrating vacuous product placement.

Music is both an art and a science. Between the algorithms and arithmetic, maths and magic exists the light and shadow of music. And Cheryl Cole.

The musical landscape has always been populated by non-entities with absolutely fuck all to say, playing fifth rate music filtered through fifth hand ideas and sponsored by tossers who know literally fuck all about fuck all. The difference is that now they're likely to receive a Brit nomination as they guarantee TV ratings.

It's been a long road to get to a point where this work could be released. Variously, it didn't sound "black" enough (I'll leave that to Plan B). There were too many long words (Antidisestablishmentarianism, anyone?). The guitars (Jim Davies of The Prodigy guests) were a tad too angry. The themes too dark. Even the artwork (by Lucius Michael Copsey) caused some consternation with the last record company who deemed it "disgusting" and "distateful". Awesome, eh?

But hey, if Chuck D digs it then I know I'm doing something right. I'm not going to rewrite the foreword (Pretentious, moi? Mais oui!) to the album here, but great art should be a document of the times in which it was created, so as I look out of my window I see dissent and dissatisfaction in equal measure and that's what 'Barcode Crucifix' enunciates eloquently. It concerns matters magikal, sexual, political and religious. Every word loaded with a symbolism which resonates long after the last note fades. And I personally guarantee that it'll make you shake that booty.

Can you imagine Public Enemy kicking fuck out of Nine Inch Nails whilst both parties are being torched by Rammstein as Dub C laughs at the horrific carnage? Lovely, isn't it? Man, I love Cradle Of Filth, but their hymns to violence are steeped in either fantasy or, in the case of the amazing 'Godspeed On The Devil's Thunder' album, history. Damaged Gods are of the NOW. When we suggest that "The lawless government invites anarchy," just look around. It is entirely true.

The album has been years in the making and is more relevant and necessary now than when it was conceived. So over the past couple of weeks our government has;

- sent David Cameron to sell guns to Egypt's supreme military council


- had David Cameron appear in Kuwait to defend arms sales vociferously, whilst Gaddafi continues to use British arms against his own people


- sent the SAS and MI6 to the wrong place, where they were captured by farmers

Remember, these chaps went to the very best public schools and did the Oxbridge thing, so are far better and way more intelligent than you or I. Thus, I'll pause before branding any of these actions as thoroughly cretinous. Don't get me wrong boys and girls, it's ALL about the music, but these are the reasons I do what I do. And these are the reasons for the snarl on my face.

Meanwhile, shitty bands play their odes to vacuity with a criminal inanity. Don’t accept it. You deserve better. We all deserve better. And that is what Damaged Gods represents. The middle of March finds us on tour as a trailer for the album and August sees us over in America further spreading the damage. As always Brozilla will be sharp of suit. Superior of mien. Sexy of limb. Witty. Charming. And the easy erudition of my oratory skills will be a joy for all to behold. The aim here is to put on a show rather than merely play gigs like so many other bands and I would urge you to attend, participate wholeheartedly and display your affection by offering a two fingered salute.

Vees up. Us against them.

Nothing but love

xBx

Jackin' for beats with... DJ Gaddafi

As we approach the release of DJ Gaddafi's upcoming album "The G Files" we are pleased to give you an in depth interview with the Middle Eastern Despot/Rapper as he discusses his favorite producers, rappers, David Cameron & Dr Dre's "Detox" album. We're given an "Access All Areas" pass to his impressive Presidential Crib. Situated in the southern suburbs of Tripoli the central domed portico gives access to a lofty entrance-hall, lined by a row of double columns of grooved white marble with gilded bases. The white marble floored ballroom - the size of two football pitches - hung with tapestries woven in a different age depicting the Saracen violently resisting the infidel Christian Crusaders. The high, ornate ceilings are adorned by one elaborate chandelier after another.

We enter as DJ Gaddafi is in the middle of a telephone conversation with his American agent;

DJ Gaddaffi: I don’t wanna hear what the fuck these motherfuckers got to say. They say I can't run shit and this and that? Will. I. Am.? Yeah, the motherfucker’s tight as fuck, but if it ain’t broke, you can’t fix it, motherfuckers. I’m ‘bout to go hard. I’m not gonna make this guy a superstar again. The boy had his chance. GA! DA! FEE!. Let me reiterate this. Hold on... One love, Basil, I get down with y’all, that’s Libya baby, for real. Freshly! Chopped! Basil! Yeah... Y’all puttin’ it down for the brothers and sisters, for real. I’m just talkin’ about all the suckas that be hatin’. Be a fan and stop hatin’. Listen to the real shit, you got to do it. Sheeee-it. Let me pull this motherfucker back for y’all one more time. This just that soulful shit, this is what I do. Don’t get mad at me, I wanna say your name, but I ain’t gonna do that. One love y’all to people that got love for Libya. Freshly Chopped Basil: What’s up y’all this is Brozilla with "Freshly Chopped Basil". I’m here with DJ Gaddafi, you all know him, and here he is. What’s up, man? DJ Gaddafi: Just chillin’, doing my thing. You know how we do? Workin’ on "The G Files", tourin’, having a good time. Just want everybody to come see this tour and feel the music I’m bringin’. Freshly Chopped Basil: So you've got the album coming out soon. It’s coming out at the end of April, right? DJ Gaddafi: Yep. The album is coming out April 27th. It’s a great record it’s got a lot of features. I got a lot of talented cats gettin’ down; Snoop Dogg, Beyonce, G-Influence and Brother B, The RZA, P Diddy, Eminem, Nick Clegg, 50 Cent, Tech N9ne, Ed Balls, Chuck D, RBX and Caroline Spelman singing some chorus hooks... Dr Dre did his thing on a couple of tracks... Just a bunch of talented artists and I love what they do. Freshly Chopped Basil: Usually with your albums you produce the entire thing. How come you put Dre in the mix? DJ Gaddafi: I love Dre, who doesn't? I think he’s a great producer. In fact all the producers that’s puttin’ it down I respect them and I love their work. There’s a lot of good music out there, I respect everybody and I love what they do. Freshly Chopped Basil: On the flip side of that, you as a producer, which artists would you like to produce for? DJ Gaddafi: My tastes are way out and people might think I'm trippin’, but I wouldn’t mind doing something for T-Boy. And- Freshly Chopped Basil: That's Tony Blair, right? For real. T-Boy can spit. He brings heat and keeps it 100. He's my main Caucasian. He kinda reminds me of myself when I was doing my thing, and I’m still doing my thing, don’t get it twisted. We go waaaay back. He brings the fire. I like Raekwon, he’s cool. I like Jay-Z, he’s super cool. I like Nu Labour, even though they don’t have records out now. Snoop, that’s a must, I’ll work with him anytime. Damaged Gods are crazy talented. They're getting a lot of play out here with "Outf!%king rageous." You heard that yet? Whooooh! HOT. There are tons of guys out there that I like who are putting out good music, but there’s a lot of other people trying to rap and trying to produce just because it’s so easy to get into right now, but in a minute that’s gon’ change once that real music comes back and people understand what’s really going on. I know I went somewhere else on that answer, but hey. Freshly Chopped Basil: You’re putting out this record on your own Coup D'etat label. This is your second independent release. What's that like when you compare it to your major label experience? DJ Gaddafi: I mean independent is a little harder than being on a major label. You gotta be hands on: make sure everyone's doing what they s'posed to do. I wasn’t hip to that, I thought I was still gonna have people to do things for me. But you get a chance to really see what’s going on and really know who got your back and who don’t got your back in the business. I’mma put it to you like this: when I was with a major, it was on and crackin’. Everything crackin’. I made a lot of people, a lot of 'behind the scenes' people, rich. But now that I’m independent and I have to get at the same people that made it pop for me back in the day, then it’s a problem. I mean that as far as, “Hey, DC, can you gimme a hand here? I- Freshly Chopped Basil: "DC?" DJ Gaddafi: David Cameron. "I made you a load of money and I'm still making you money.” And I gets no love. It can still go down like that. It’s just a different way as far as showing that support. I mean I support everybody in the Middle East, I support everybody in the West, the East, Down South. But it’s just gotta be a mutual thing, especially here where I’m from. Everybody out here, all the DJs, all the clubs, everybody gotta ride and look out for each other. I’ve been to clubs where I’ve seen cats that’s from here at the door, and they like, “Nuh uh” and they let artists from somewhere else right in. We gotta have more unity and that’s what we missin’ from the game. The talent is there, the music is there, the unity is the key. Freshly Chopped Basil: Tell us about the viral video you had for "Capitalism Crash". How did you guys decide to do that and are you guys gonna shoot any other more traditional music videos? DJ Gaddafi: For "Capitalism Crash" I just got my secret police to film David Cameron swanning around the Middle east trying to sell arms to literally anyone. In this climate of violence? If that doesn't show you that Capitalism is utterly bereft of morality... Anyway, the response was off the chizzain! I think we're up to something like 5 million views on YouFace. Yeah, we’re gonna shoot more videos. We shooting for "It's All About The Oil Receipts" which is me and T-Boy. Doing that, puttin’ it down and letting people get a glimpse of that. Middle East meets West. I got family in all places so I can’t have tunnel vision. That’s how you survive in the game, you can’t have tunnel vision. Freshly Chopped Basil: I heard that "Education Revolution" was originally gonna be a Michael Gove collaboration song, tell us about that. DJ Gaddafi: I did the song with him, that’s what that was. But records change. A lot of records I could tell you about right now that had other people on them from a lot of artists that you know have changed. Just like on that Elton John single “Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me”? I was on that song originally and I got dropped for George Michael. So records change, that record changed. I put G-Influence and Brother B on it, it was a good feel for them so that’s what it was. Freshly Chopped Basil: On another note, have you worked with Dre on "Detox"? DJ Gaddafi: In the beginning, sort of the beginning, I was over there with Dre and the rest of the fellas going through the records and marking off ideas for him to hear. That’s all I did really. Then a year or so ago I spat a verse or two, but I don't know if they made it onto the record. Freshly Chopped Basil: So you made some TV appearances since your last album. How did that come about and how did they approach you and what was your first thought? DJ Gaddafi: Well I did the "Celebrity Fit Club". I didn’t want to do it at first because I thought it was some corny shit. So I was like, “Damn, I’m not old, I ain’t played out. I’m still a youngster.” I told ‘em no, but then the producer Rich called me and said, “Lemme take you out to lunch”. So I had lunch with him and he explained to me what the show was about and what was going on as far as showing me how to eat better and showing me how to exercise their way. I said, “So y’all gonna pay me to exercise and eat right?” So I was like, “Shit, let’s go.” And I did that and I’mma do more of those type of shows. On the big screen, as far as movies, sitcoms, all of that, I’mma do it all. It’s just showing versatility and by the way I’ve been easing over into scoring. I scored the popular Libyan drama "Tripoli Heights". I don’t even know if a lot of people know that but I scored that show, it was a great show. So I’m doing a lot of things. I’m easing my way into being behind the scenes ‘cause that’s what I really love. I’m still a motherfuckin’ rap artist period. I do that. But you grow and you have to change and I’m just changing and I’m looking for the next motherfucker who can shock the world. A lot of motherfuckers can rap and they do that all day but I’m looking for a person that has a story about themselves, something that can captivate the world, not just your hood. And that’s what I like about T-Boy. He got a story and he tellin’ these motherfuckers, “This is what it’s like with me and where I’m from. This is what it’s like and this is how we gon’ give it to you." He got a story about it and you rarely find artists that really give you that story and that realness. But I’m pretty sure it’s coming, and I’mma be looking, ‘cause I am a producer, Gaddafi Funk Entertainment, baby. Freshly Chopped Basil: We’re about to wrap up but before that tell us what kind of vibe people are gonna expect on the album. DJ Gaddafi: You can expect a lot of records that’s got a soulful feel, a lot of records that’s like more on the groove tip. I ain’t really goin’ hard on the record, like Will. I. Am. Did you catch Black Eyed Peas at the Superbowl? Oh, man! That was some repugnant shit. A lot of people don't know that Fergie played William Shatner's girlfriend in an episode of TJ Hooker back in 1986. She's looking rough these days, right? That's the crack. A lot of these celebs are on crack these days. They tell me crack is in. Anyway, what I'mma be doing is talking to everybody from a fake tanned, ugly WAG motherfucker on "Daybreak" to Paxo on "Newsnight". Freshly Chopped Basil: Can you explain the bloodthirsty repression of your people for four decades at the behest of your Western puppet masters? DJ Gaddafi: Huh? Freshly Chopped Basil: Never mind. Before we leave, do you have any closing comments about anything? DJ Gaddafi: All I have to say is whatever you want to do in life keep your mind to it. If it don’t jump off at first don’t get frustrated, even though we do get frustrated. Just keep pushin’ and don’t let nothin’ hold you down. And keep faith in God and know that it’s gonna be alright. And for the motherfuckers that be hatin’ on Brozilla Triple X L, kiss my motherfuckin’ ass, ‘cause you can’t hold a brother down. Freshly Chopped Basil: Wise words. Thanks for your time today. Peace. DJ Gaddafi: Huh?