In The Spotlight: Cheryl Cole

What motivates you?

Apart from making sure my new album 'Messy Little Raindrops', which came out on Monday, is a massive success? Lol! As a singer-songwriter, dancer, model and TV Personality I just want to be an inspiration. If only one person sees me on 'The X Factor' and puts down 'de' gun or 'de' knife - that's how they say it - Cheryl Cole will have been successful. That's what gets me out of bed in the morning.

What de-motivates you?

Negative people. That sounds harsh and I'm sorry, but I make no apologies for it. There are loads of reasons for not doing something. Look at Nadine. People said: "Are you mental trying to launch a solo career? You haven't got a fraction of the profile of Cheryl Cole," but she's having a go anyway. Good on 'er, I say.

What do you get up to in your spare time?

You mean when I'm not being "The Nation's Sweetheart"? Lol!!! I read lots, y'know the 'Twilight' books, 'Harry Potter'. I've got my nose buried in 'Madame Bovary' at the mo'. I listen to music. It's usually straight up gangsta rap like Black Eyed Peas. I've got so much time for Will. I. Am. He's so generous and kind and talented. Did you see him in that 'Wolverine' film?!? I literally wet my black, silk thong! Pissed right through on to the seat and everything! He's like Pacino. Chen Pacino, who did a lot of Hong Kong action movies in the early 90s. When I'm running or at the Gym, I'll usually listen to Damaged Gods. That Brother B is totally lush and I've heard he's a bit of an oversized freak in the trouser department. Have you got his number? Lol!

What job did you want to do when you were at school?

I had under-age sex and lost my virginity aged 15. I mean, I have no regrets or anything like that because I made my boyfriend wait for three dates before I let him gggrrrriiiinnnddd me from behind. I think it was in double French… Anyway, there was a whole "to-do" and I had to see a counsellor and I thought, "Yeah. I'd like to do that," because that counsellor turned little Cheryl's life around. So, a counsellor or summat like that is what I've wanted to be for the longest time and I get to do that on 'The X Factor'. People think that Cheryl just has to say "Yes," or "No," but sometimes you have to put a question mark on there because, y'know, it's really up to Simon. Or you've got to get emotional just before we go to a break. Cheryl literally changes lives and that's a really heavy load to bear.

Where is your favourite place in the world and why?

Ooooh… That's a tough one! Cheryl Cole is like a global brand. I'm not saying I'm going to join the panel of judges for 'American Idol' or owt like that, but that's the kind of game Cheryl's bringing to the party table. Milan! Paris! New York! Berlin! Droitwich! I'm all over the place these days, especially with 'Messy Little Raindrops' coming out on Monday. Everyone wants a slice of Cheryl! I'd say wherever Cheryl is, is where Cheryl needs to be and that's my favourite place in the world.

Which famous person (living or deceased) would you most like to meet and why?

Richard Dawkins. End of. He's dead clever. I like to accessorise some of my outfits with rosary beads, crucifixes and temporary henna tattoos of our Lord, Jesus Christ. They're obviously 'out'. The Pope's visit didn't go that well and I'd like him to suggest some alternatives.

What makes you laugh out loud?

Britain's "Ethical foreign policy"! Lol! I'm kidding. Seriously, we need to root out evil and punch it in the face repeatedly. I'm going to go with 'The Larry Sanders Show'. No one knows about it in England, because the BBC only ever showed it after midnight, but it's dead brilliant. I made sure I got the boxset in the divorce. Lol! Oh, and Nadine. I haven't seen her or spoken to her in ages, but I see her on television or hear her single and I can't help it. I start laughing! Lol!

Your one piece of advice for future generations:

Don't lose your rag with a toilet attendant! Lol! Only kidding. Sharon Osbourne and I never quite saw eye to eye 'cos I replaced her on 'The X Factor'. But I read an interview she gave to the 'Sunday Star' and she said how beautiful and talented I am and how I have to beat men off with a shitty stick. Which is dead true! Lol! She's a lovely woman, Sharon. And so wise. She's taught Cheryl so much. What was the question again? Oh yeah, be yourself.

Chelsea or Manchester United?

Man U, all day, baby! Lol!!! Nah, Chelsea. I still get on with Ashley. Apart from 'The Larry Sanders' boxset, of course. Lol!

Favourite Film you would recommend:

'Avatar'. Have you seen it? It's literally the best film ever! Oh, my God! I want to live on Pandora. James Cameron is a genius!